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March 18 maybewell I got my own computer back,, ok well I got a new one,, after getting frustrated with my last one and taking it apart I think maybe I learned a lesson,, just 'cause I do not think something is working right does not mean I can make it better by taking it apart,,'specially if do not know how to put it back together again,,now all I got to do is remember that lesson,, it took long enough to get this new comp though so it should make it easier to remember to keep my bloody fingers out of the inside of things but I DO have short term memory issues so,,,,, February 14 wellwell it is v-day and really I got more than I expected,, I mean I got flowers from jessica (only on here of course but,,,she don't know me anyplace else) and that actually goes a ways towards making me feel a little less alone,, after all somebody as cute as her decided I was worth a button push or two,, so there must still be hope,now to try to decide what to do with the rest of the day, thought about burying my head in the sand,, but well this is not hawaii or something,,it is too bloody cold for that kind of crap here,, so I don't know,, but I will try to find something uplifting to do,,,
hey I know
anybody gots beer February 13 valentinesI sometimes think that this whole valentines day thing was just invented to torture those of us without anyone to spend the day with,, oh I know for us it is cheaper,, we do not have to spend money on chocolates or roses or nothing,, but that is really not enough of a savings to make up for the fact that the whole world is telling us quite cleartly that we are alone,, and that must be because we cannot find anybody,, make us feel like ,, well like we have failed,, and this is not pleasant,, it is totally unfair,, but oh well,, not that a little bit of a rant is going to change anything,, and it sure would not help me find anybody,, so probably it is a good thing that almost nobody reads this anymore,, and none of them are close,,, but hey if I am wrong,, come tell me about it,, we can share the day,, cause if you aint got nothing better to do on valentines day than talk to somebody like me yuo must be as lonely as me so,,,,, February 12 thats overwell my last post was aboutr writing a girl a letter,, and in her reply to it she said it was going to be the last time I talked to her,, unfortunately she was right,, I just aint got no way to talk to where ever it is dead people go,, and it does not make me feel a lot better that I was one of the only things she said she was going to miss,, if I had meant that much I could have held her long enough for her to get over the things that were bothering her,, it is hard to blame yourself when a cyberfreind does something stupid but at the same time I guess I wouldn't be human if I didn't,, there should have been something I could do,, but there wasn't,,, due to time zones and stuff by the time I knew she had decided it was time it was done,, she was gone,, oh well,,, now to get on with the rest of my life,, and not just stand here in this one place with my head in my hands trying not to cry,,, well whatever February 09 thinkingok well I am here to try to think of something to say here,, normally for me that is not so much of a problem,, but I have just finished a letter to a girl,, yeah I wrote a girl a letter,, I do think she is special, in fact so much so that it was a 6 page letter,, plus some attachments,, and I know the next question is going to be when am I going to meet her parents,, well I think this time I am going to skip that part of the procedure,, that way when she dumps me there won't be so many people laughing at me,, you see she has already told me I am wonderful,, and that is usually what I get told at about the same time I am being told to hit the road,, so I am not sure what to think, maybe because she is getting things out of order she is going to forget about telling me to hit the road,, or she is going to do it already,, maybe it is going to be about to long of letters,,, oh well,, at least I would be going down for being me,, talking to much and or when I should have kept my mouth shut January 31 sorryok I am sorry,, I have been over on deviantART instead of here where I should have been,, but I have been on a poetry writing kick, not really sure why but it has been fun,,I am not sure if I am going to be here much more than I have been but I am not going to give up on this space,, it is where I have been at home for some time,, and I really enjoy the freedon here,, not that there isn't a lot of freedom there as well,, but hey you can all come see me there,, and I will always return to this my first love,, telling you fine folk what is going on in my head,, ok so that isn't usually much but at least I try to make it interesting,, not that I am always lucky enough to pull that off,, I mean it is hard to make boring interesting,,
hmmmm,,, maybe if I was to take off all my clothes and dance around
oh by the way there is where you can find me on Da if you want to check out what I have been doing January 21 life as a hobbitSometimes people amaze me,, I was just talking to a friend of mine and she was wanting to have a “hobbit” lifestyle,, now this sounds all simple and wonderfully bucolic,, but the truth of the matter is that there is much darn work involved that it is just overwhelming to think about,, I mean have you ever thought about what it takes to live like that,, I mean lets start the day,, you get up in the morning and run out to the outhouse,,, freeze your butt off,go back inside and get a fire started,, now if you are lucky you remembered to lay a fire the night before,, but probably you left a fire burning so it would be warm during the night, so you have to lay a fire and get it started, get the stove warmed up so you can start your coffee or tea,, but where did that come from, oh wait ,, you had to store it during last summer or fall,, then you go get your clothes on for the day,, and clothes,, now where did they come from,, do you have any idea how labor intensive it is to produce fabric for clothing,, and even just leather is a lot of work,, first you have to raise the animals and that means you had to already have raised the feed for them,, and then take care of the skin,, ‘cause you know it is not leather when you take it off of the animal,, and there is a lot of work involved in that,, but then after you have your clothes on you go fix breakfast,, that’s simple ,,oatmeal which are processed oats, and which takes specialized equipment,, or maybe pancakes,, there it is a lot more complicated it takes flour which is processed wheat and that is even more special equipment,, but ok you have what it takes to cook breakfast so you better build the fire up so you can cook on it,, now think about where that wood came from,, or for that matter the stove to cook on,, man it is so much more of a project to live a simple lifestyle,, I think I’ll stick to the condo January 19 backwell for anyone who reads this I am back,, and it was a great weekend,,I got to really surprise my daughter,, she was in no way expecting me to walk in with her mother,, in fact that I think (from the look on her face when she saw me) that I was the last person she expected to see,, I wish I had had a camera with me ,, I would have shown you a picture,, it was a classic stereotypical surprise reaction,, jaw dropped , eyes got real big and squealed,, she did not drop the baby but maybe even that was closer than it should have been,, it was great!!,, and really so was the rest of the weekend,, I spent a lot of time with my daughters mother,, and really enjoyed being in her company,, we went out and shot a few rounds out of my .38 and that was cool,, but I ALWAYS like to shoot my gun,, and we talked an talked and well just spent a lot of time together in a short span of hours,,
I hope to be invited back one of these days
it was a GREAT visit January 13 whatta rushthis is an interesting road I am going down ,, and I am headed down it at an amazing pace,, making freinds with old freinds is a lot more fun than I thought it might be,, have been chatting and laughing and just enjoying each other,, even if it is all online,, but there is not going to be very much time till I do go see her,, I have a really good excuse you see,, I have to go see my daughters new daughter,, and so I am going to see my daughters mother as well,, and I am excited,, I am VERY excited in fact,, there has been so much going wrong for me as far as personal relationships go lately that I am just amazed by how this is going,, but I think I am not going to say much more ,, I do not want to jinx anything
a new focuswell I am on a new mission,, I am trying to make freinds with an old freind,, that sounds like it ought to be easy but I am finding out it is fraught with pitfalls,, when you are a grown up it is a lot harder because you do not have the enforced togetherness that you had when you were younger,, or the gauranteed things in common to talk about,, I mean when you had to try to talk before school or between classes it was a lot easier,, you both knew what was going on with each other,, and what was going to be happening,, you knew that you had so long to talk and then you had to go,, even in summer there was rules and schedules,, now as an adult there is not the stuff in common to do,, or the things to talk about,, not even the crowd of freinds to hang out with,, it is just plain one on one,, and no rules,, that does make it a little scary,, I mean if you piss them off,, you might never see them again,, not like when you are young you know you are going to see them every day,, no matter what,, all these things make it so much harder,,
thats why I am going to actually work at it
can not afford to let this one get away
not again anyway January 10 more on lovesok now then,, a while back I made a post about girlfreinds,, and maybe that was a little misleading,, I mean there have been other girls in my life,, those were just the ones I lived with for at least a short time,, as the facts are they are not even the most special or most loved of the girls I have known,, and that is sometimes a little upsetting,, you know I never had the chance to spend any time waking up next to one of the most special girls in my whole life,, I wish I could have,, but well her family had other plans,, and they ,, shall we say made me to understand,, that I had other things I needed to be doing,, and knowing her family I believed them,,now in hindsight I wonder if I did the right thing,, I want to say I should have talked her into running away with me,, but well then I would have missed so much that happened,, and I kind of know that it would not have been right,, but she was so wonderful,, an thinking about the time I spent with her,,, well I was so very lucky to know her,, maybe I will get to know her as well again,, time will tell,, but not even time can take away the joy she has given me,, and maybe she has actually given me more,, I think it was maybe because of her that my standards of what a girl is s'posed to be are so high
so girl who I have not named
if ever you read this thank you
and I love you
it is sure a good thing us humans can love more than once
and each one of them be truly special January 08 taggednow I really do not know what to think,,I have found this site called tagged and while it might be fun it also looks as if it could get a guy in trouble, I have had bunches of girls wanting to meet me,, and I rreally have no idea why,, I do not remember if I even filled out the profile thing there much less if I posted a picture,, and if I am getting all these responces without a profile or a picture I gotta wonder whats up,, are the girls really that hard up,, or is it really that magical to live on the coast that everybody wants to meet you just because of that,, maybe I did fill out the profile,, I don't know,, and if I did ,, an they know that much about me ( no I do not lie on those things) an they are still sending me stuff they are a little weird,, and if I pposted a photo,,, now if I posted a photo of me and am getting this many responses then I am going to have to consider that proof that there is a mental health crisis in this country,, for if after reading a little about me,, and looking at a photo of me,, they are STILL sending me stuff
man them girls are crazy
sounds like my kinda girls January 07 now whatdo you ever seem to have days when you really have no idea what to say,, not that on that day you do not feel like writing or anything,, just do not know what it is going to be,, well that is kind of what I am facing right this instant,, I have absolutely what this blog is going to be about,, and I hate it when I discover some time after I have started typing that I have not any idea what I am saying,,thats is a problem in several aspects,, I mean how can you organize your thoughts and make plain what you are attempting to say when you have no idea what it is,, that would be like trying to take notes for it or make an outline,,
hmmmm I think I am going to write about,,,,,,
,now thats a short outline,, for all you might spend six or more hours staring at the computer trying to figure it out,, then there are those days when instead of trying to figure it out you just close your mind and write whatever happens to come out,,
and then you spend hours wondering if you should read it before you post it,,
yeah sometimes I have those days as well,, but this is a worse day than all of those put together
here I have finished it and I still don't know what I wrote
now I wonder if it was any good January 05 funnyit is funny sometimes how things go,, you can never guess what is going to happen any time two people get together,, just thinking about it,, today my ex came over to bring a present to our cats( that is one good thing about pets instead of kids,, custody can be so much easier to deal with) an we got to talking and,, well we have both missed talking to each other and we sure did a lot of catching up,, it is good that we were freinds before we were together,, and are still freinds,, in fact we both find each other the easiest person we know to talk to,, her new b/f has some problems with that but oh f*ckin well,, I am not going to let him be a problem to me,, she has been to close a freind for way to long,, in fact standing up for her was how I met her,, oh well
hard to hate an ex when you love them
even when it is just as a freind
and I admit it
I love her January 03 firstsit seems as if this part of the year is always so full of firsts,, starting with first day an first weekend an first time you get dumped an all those kind of things,, an so often it is not things that you really want to happen,, in fact most of them are that,, but well it is not like we can do much about it is there,, I mean have you ever considered what it would be like if you could not have all them firsts,, you would be just living in the past,, but probably wouldn't be able to remember the future,, I mean aint that the way it goes,, the past is always so much easier to remember than the future,, and even if you could how many things do most people actually remember,, I mean it would not be till the third time around you could make the money you were just thinking about,, an by then you would be so bored with it ,, but well you could always do different things huh,, but that would change the future,, I mean if you do something different that is going to change things all around and then the future is not going to be the same an all the notes you took would not be right,, so still you would not be able to do more than lose all the same things all over again
you know thinking about it I think it would be much better to just live through all these firsts than have to keep doing all the same things wrong over and over and over
but talk about deja vu January 02 2nd daywell it is the second day of this new year an I have nothing to say an no new comments,, this really sucks,, I wanted to have some comments just so I could see that there had been some traffic here but well if nobody cares why in the world would there be any traffic,, not to say that there actually is nobody who cares,, I am quite sure that is not the case,, an if it is I am not going to admit it,, s'pecially to myself,, we all need to thing there is someone someplace who cares about ourselves,, an for me it is rather more important for me to think there is somebody out there who cares because when it comes right down to it I am not all that sure I do,, at least not about myself,, oh there are several of you out there I care about personally,, and I care about all of you as a collective,, I s'pose I even care about me as part of that collective,, but that is certainly different than caring about me as me,, that is like all the freinds I have who are always telling me they love me,, you know that would be a lot more believable if they really loved me and not just the old as a freind thing,, which we all know means nothing,, ranks a person just a bit lower than somebody elses pets or something,, really does make me feel important
but just remember,, a guest just gets a plate out of the cupboard from the "general use" stack
the dog has it's own dish December 31 girls---mind over matterwell it is time for another one of those thought provoking posts,,, I do them sometimes you know,, I have a myspace, and I have the exotic babes application there,, and it is getting boring,, it seems to go on the premis that naked is exotic,, and that discounts the most wonderful things about girls,, I mean sure a wonderful body is nice to look at,, but it is not nearly so important as what is inside the head attached to the body,, I would rather have a wonderful girl than just a plain girl with a wonderful body,, for the body really doesn't matter,, I mean after a couple of days you do not see the body when you look at them,, it is the person you see,, it is the person you have to live with,, have to love,,
an I want love
not barbie December 30 I wonderyeah this is definetely one of those I wonder typ of posts,, maybe that is because of so many things I wonder about,, I mean does telepathy really exist,, or how else can people be connected,, oh I do not mean normal connections,, or even normal abnormal connections,, but why would I feel it when an ex g/f is upset,, or why would she feel it when I hurt myself,, I am not really sure how serious I am about this,, oh thats not right I am very serious about wondering about it, I am just not going to say for sure that me an that particular ex-g/f are connected,, but we all know that it happens sometimes between couples who have been together for a long time,, or sometimes even friends who have been together forever,, so how does one person feel anothers pain or confusion or whatever,, even labor,, I mean sympathetic labor pains are one of the best known and most laughed about happenings of this connection,, but these are real pains,, even if you are feeling them for someone else,, I believe that we humans(yeah sometimes I do admit to being one) have an inate ability to communicate mind to mind,, I just do not know how it happens,, or why it can happen sometimes and not others,, or even why sometimes it is almost controllable and others it is not only uncontrollable but happens without even the awareness of the parties involved,,, that ex-g/f I was mentioning earlier,, we neither one of us knew the other was having the problem that was being felt,, it would be a lot more real if we could transfer thoughts or feelings,, intelligence you know instead of just pain and suffering,, at least then I wouldn't have to ask her what the hell she was doing sometimes
an she would know what I think of her new b/f
but wouldn't that be scary,, waking up and finding yourself telepathically linked to an ex December 29 Talking about 5th Tug-of-War
Quote Talking about 5th Tug-of-War almost donethis year is almost done and it is the time when we all have a chance to look back and see what it has meant for us and to us,, really for me this has not been a very good year,, in fact it seems to make light of all the previous years that I thought were wasted,, why is it that no matter how bad we might think things are there is always the chance that we will be given the task of living through worse,, not that I can see how a new year can possibly be worse than this last one has been,, but then we never can see just how bad things can get in the future,, the flip side of that is I would not trade some of my memories of last year for anything,, no matter how the year turned out,, no matter if all that was to my mind worth living for is gone,, at least for a while I had it and have the memories to look back on,, I truly hope that you who might read this have better things in your life than I do,, and that you have been allowed to keep that which gave you the best memories of the last year,, but even if all you have are those memories I pray that you see it is better to have even them than to not have anything,, for not having anything would mean you have not life,, and I hope no-one reading this is in THAT situation |
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